1. Agreements
Reality is just an agreed notion, either by a large number of people or by someone for whom we have the illusion of being an expert. For example – If a majority of people believe in a superstition or a religious practice, it is considered the truth in that part of the world. People are killed, children are raised, and wars are fought over such widely agreed beliefs. Similarly, if an expert says something, people tend to believe it as reality. If a doctor says you are ill, then you must be. If a scientists makes a remark, we take it very seriously even if it is totally opposite of what we believe in.
2. Standards Set by Average People
Most of the time people make rules just because they would be out of a job if they don’t do so. This is mostly true of people in power, whether they are in a government or in a school, college or a company. Most of the standards about what we should do, what we should not do, and how to do something and how not to, are made by some group of very average who are nominated (or elected) for that position. And it is amazing to see how so few people question them and live their whole lives driven by those standards. Watch the below video to get amazed.
3. What our mind/brain tells us?
The human brain takes in all perceptions from the outside world and forms a reality for us through our thoughts and perceptions. It is reflected in the ‘real’ world by the words we speak and write. What we observe is ‘instantly real’ for us? This is why we are so amazed by magic or optical illusions. But when someone explains the reasoning behind, we see a different reality. Why? Only because our brain changed our perception of reality on seeing the proof behind the magic? But in that moment, that illusion was our reality?
4. A Mirage and a Mystery
Life is at best, a mystery to humans, one bigger than we have the potential and capacity to understand. See this bizarre “Double Slit Experiment” done by Quantum Physicists to get the shock of your life. Who knows if there are multiple realities where every possible outcome is played out in a parallel universe. Each of us will observe something different depending on our frame of perception.
As I have written in some of my previous articles, what distinguishes great people and organizations is not how they succeed, but how they fail. Great organizations (especially dealing with innovation) are about taking risks to do things that haven’t been done before. And like with any experiment – you know there are going to be more failures than successes. That is the definition of innovation. If the odds were higher and success was almost certain in every one of two cases or so, every Tom, Dick and Harry would be doing it.
Take Intelligent Risks
We live in a world of risks, and we live in a world of failure. Entire industries like venture capital, portfolio management and insurance work on the model of taking intelligent bets and risks, and making the few big wins count more than the numerous failures. So rather than eliminating risks, we should take intelligent risks and learn to eliminate the uncertainties. Because without risks, there is no moving ahead.
Look Far Ahead – The Bigger Perspective
When you look at the big picture you will realize that when you fail you are not finished. Failure doesn’t mean a full stop, it just means a temporary barrier on your way to wherever your vision is going to take you. Failures build our character amid immense challenges, and that is an incredible muscle to build for tough times. Over the period of a long journey, the definition of failure changes for most people, and we start becoming much less scared of it.
Be Ok with the Fear of Failure
What is lacking in the current environment is the concept of constructive failure, by which I mean the ability of doing things and failing, then learning from the mistakes and iterating until you reach the milestone of success. Failures can by compared to the lighting lamps on the way to every success story. Being able to take failure as an asset is a unique trait. When you really learn is when you are confronted with failure.
Dont Live Life, Be Alive
Many people say you can learn from the failure of others, but there is only limited knowledge and experience you can gain from reading books and listening to others. You can’t relive the experience of falling from a bike by reading about it. So in terms of failure, if we ‘really’ want to learn the lessons and want our time and money’s worth from failure, they better be our own. There are some experiences which must be felt if you have to learn the lessons with them, and there are no short cuts.
Infact, most of the success stories we know today are also stories of many more failures which are never highlighted by the media. To give a few examples, Henry Ford failed in five businesses before starting the Ford Motor Company and Soichiro Honda was turned down by Toyota for a job and was jobless for some time before he started making his own scooters at home. Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper for a “lack of imagination” before he started Disney. To stress the point that innovation in business is similar to experiments by scientists, we have the examples of Thomas Edison and the Wright Brothers. We will have examples in art, politics and sports too of such people, and some names that come to mind are Winston Churchill, Oprah Winfrey, Steven Spielberg, JK Rowling, Elvis Presley and Michael Jordan.
We live in a world today where we have luxuries available which has never been available for any previous generation. Today we can travel to any part of the world within a matter of hours (and not months), we can talk and interact with our friends and family real time anywhere on the planet, and that too free over the internet. We live in a world where information about any topic is readily available on our handheld device or computer. We have GPS in our phones and in our vehicles and can never get lost. Companies have employees working in different countries and time zones collaboratively. Globalization is truly upon us.
With our children and next generation growing up in environments where they get access to a laptop and smartphone before they access books, where they get access to video games before learning what sports and games really are, don’t you think our children are missing some very important life skills which all previous generations had the opportunity to experience? In an ever busy and fast paced world where everybody is running, don’t you think we are missing out on life? Below are five skills which I think our younger generation is being deprived of :-
1. Simple Living and Self Sustainable Communities
While we have the latest cars and metro systems in our cities today, and can get pre-cooked food home delivered free to our homes, which is ready to eat after a few seconds in the microwave, aren’t we depriving our children of basic human activities like walking amidst nature (be it a park or a road) or the thrill of growing our own vegetables and then the excitement of the art of cooking with different masalas and ingredients. In the modern world, we have turned many such arts (cooking, walking, gardening) into just products available over the shelf. But can we also buy the lessons and values one gets doing these simple activities?
Life is simple. It was never meant to be globalized. We have commercialized our lives in the wave of consumerism like never before. Man doesn’t need more than water and fresh fruits and vegetables to survive, yet why our definition of drinking has more of Coke, Pepsi, Budweiser instead of just plain water? Why our definition of eating involves going out to a fast food joint and gulping on that latest pizza or burger? For kids growing up in this environment, aren’t they missing the values of self-help, sharing and community. Globalisation has brought a lot of good and prosperity in this world, but there is a world possible without it, and our kids need to know that.
Isn’t something eery about this pic?
2. Our Ancient Treasures of Knowledge
Coming to our education systems and the kind of knowledge we are giving our students, we have the best in class international schools with air conditioned rooms and global syllabus available today to ‘better’ prepare them for the ‘changing’ world. While we teach all about modern mathematics, technology, science and all about which careers to pick and what businesses to join, what happened to our ancient treasures of knowledge which I feel could form a very strong backbone for whatever careers they choose? The ancient treasures of our religion, of our society, the different mythological tales and the invaluable lessons in them. Why are we not teaching the treasure of wisdom found in our Vedas, Gitas, Qurans and Bibles to our children?
3. Dignity of Self and All
We live in a fast paced world and society where stepping over others is as common as passing people on the street or at work without even having the time to say ‘hi’. How many of us have people around us with whom we work and interact daily (our co-workers, grocery shop-keepers, maids, neighbors) but hardly know anything about their lives? Stepping over others in the race to be successful is considered fair, and big scandals and scams are reported everywhere, from politics to business. The same is true for us – we are riddled with stress, worry and depression over a small loss in business or money. What happened to the value of dignity of a human being? Are we teaching our children (and ourselves) that we are not defined by our money or possessions, and that while they may be important, an abundance of them doesn’t make us any richer or better than any other human being? And in the same vein, the lack of man made stuff like money, status and possessions does not take away anybody else’s dignity and make them smaller or less privileged than those who have them?
4. Creativity
In this world of cut copy paste where everything is available ready made and pre-packaged, the future generation is missing out on the art of assembling things together and creating something new and useful. Rather the consumerism society we live in today focuses more on use and throw. The art of creativity, of thinking of a hundred new ideas and then having fun while trying them out is what makes us prepare our muscles for the tough times, but the question we need to ask is – Is our younger generation learning this skill?
5. Discipline
I think we are giving our children all the wrong ideas of which rules to follow and which not (not by telling them, but by the experience they have). By growing up in a capitalist economy where everyone is in a race to get ahead, we have all seen the numerous scandals, and the ever prevailing corruption in our day to day activities. By living our lives in a certain way, perhaps we are not setting the right example for our future generations to lead their lives in a disciplined way. We are not teaching them what their rights are, and how to fight for them in a dignified manner rather than taking the easy way out.
The kindest thing we can do to ourself is to forgive the unforgivable. Our “enemy” may not deserve to be forgiven, but we deserve to be free. The earlier we realize that our anger doesn’t do any harm to the other person, and most likely they are not even giving a thought about us, the better it would be. We should rather strive to see the “unfortunate things” that happen to us as little tests to make us into a better, stronger and wiser person. And to turn it around, we should actually thank this person for giving us this “test” that strengthens us. And, as I have said in a previous article, forgiveness is not about acceptance of wrong behavior. It is our gift to ourself, not the other party.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
I am a big fan of quotes and one-liners, and while writing and pondering over the issues of giving up anger and embracing forgiveness in the last few months, I have come across a list of quotes I have found filled with immense wisdom about the topic. Read my top 10 list below –
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
Remember that we are all doing the best we can at the time. -Diane Paul
I know that I need to forgive someone, not for their benefit, but for my own peace of mind. Don’t do it for them, do it for you! -Cathryn Kent
You remember why you love them. Love is about forgiveness.- Holly Chapman
Give up on all hope of a better past. -Matt Child
Forgiveness comes easy when you know that what people say or do is about them, it’s not about you. -Kim Kings
“Hating someone is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it.”
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. – Thomas Szasz
True forgiveness is not an action after the fact, it is an attitude with which you enter each moment. – David Ridge
A lack of trust is sometimes simply recognizing another’s limitations – Rose Sweet
Let me try to sum up what I am thinking right now in as few words as possible.
The Crap Trap of Life
We live in a system, a system of education, work, family and life – which tells us about how to do things and how not to. You pursue your favorite education course to get that dream job. You get paid for doing that, just like everyone else around you. You see and experience that you must earn more so that you can spend more, to buy a product or service which will make you happy, or let you do something you enjoy. But after some time, you will have to go back and earn so that again you can spend. So that you can do what you enjoy.
There are rules for how to get loans to buy your dream car or your dream house. There are rules for how to raise your kids. And you have no option but to continue working in that job you know is not the best way for you to spend your eight hours of each day. You have hardly any time to think in the daily commotion of life, and so days, months and years pass by. And before you know, you are old and you die. This is what I call the CRAP TRAP!
The only good news – It is our Choice
Doesn’t it sound like you are in a maze ? In this maze we see only the next turn and assume that we are going ahead when we are only moving in a cycle. A day is a cycle, and similarly so is a week, month and year. You get your hair cut and it grows back up, similarly you do a job and it needs to be done tomorrow again. It is never finished, and we all live through the same cycle.
In this stupid maze, where are ‘WE‘? What are we doing? Or are we even doing something? Would anything change if someone would suck us out of this maze? Would life change in the maze?
I believe we all are the change we leave behind in this world (the maze) when we die. Everything else we do is non-consequential. The only thing that matters is the disturbance or change you leave behind. Did you leave the world any better or worse? Did you create a ripple in the universe?
Mahatama Gandhi once said – “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” And indeed, it is one of the greatest myths of this world that we have to fight our battles in the outside world.
Everyone who has reached the pinnacle of sport, business, or his/her chosen profession knows that there comes a time when you realize that the real opponent which you have to fight is you yourselves. To take our performance above a certain level, we need to break our safety walls and take new actions which previously we might not have even thought of. By changing ourselves we actually change the world around us.
Commitment
If we want to improve our performance manifold, instead of just learning new courses or reading new books, we need to work on our commitment to the goal we are after. We should make that commitment so unwavering that our own lazy and procrastinating self (and yes, we all have that) can’t stop us from doing what is necessary.
So don’t miss the morning walk, even if you are sick or it is raining outside. Don’t stop doing something just because it is getting tough for you. You have given a commitment, and it is your fight with yourself that you need to win to complete that commitment.
Excellence
If we can demand nothing less than excellence from ourselves and others in every little task we do, whether it is watering the plants or giving that presentation, the kind of results we produce will change dramatically.
We should strive to give our best to every second, and not just in the important events. We have to make things happen, by doing what we have never done before, or by doing them in a way that we have never tried before.
“Character, like a photograph, develops in darkness.” — Yousuf Karsh
Discover The Strength Inside
All of us have amazing strengths which we never realize or acknowledge unless we are forced by some sudden situation which requires us to act beyond what we think we are capable of. This is epitomized by the famous saying – “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”
So the so-called ‘tough‘ people seem to get their strength out of nowhere in tough times. Our defeats tell us more about ourselves than our victories. We all have tremendous reservoirs of strengths hidden beneath us, but we have to dig deep and defeat our own ‘stay in comfort zone‘ self to uncover it.
I will end with this powerful quote by Arnold Schwarzenegger
“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”
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Commitment