communication

7 Steps To Build A Highly Effective Team
Every team is different as human beings are complex. And organizations can be even more complex. If the team members do not gel and work together effectively, problems can arise very quickly or they can slowly simmer under the surface. Talk about missed deadlines, infighting, declining productivity, poor customer service, etc. All of these have a bearing on the team’s output and the company’s bottom line.

Finding the right people is the first step in building a high-performing team. However, bringing several talented individuals together under one roof is not enough to make an effective team. So what can you do to ensure the group of people becomes an effective unit which works together? Here are 7 common attributes of highly effective teams, and how to build such a team?

1. Good Leadership

Leadership has less to do with positions and more to do with the ability to influence. Today, leadership is no longer reserved for those at the top. Everyone has within them the ability to become a leader in their own sphere.

Effective teams don’t necessarily have one great leader. Instead, they promote a culture of leadership. That doesn’t mean multiple people competing to become leaders. It is about each individual playing their part and supporting each other for the benefit of the team.

Every team needs a north star—a clear and shared vision. Each member should know the direction and purpose behind what they are doing. A team without a united vision is like a group of chickens with a lot of energy. They will continuously be busy running around but never make any progress.

Therefore, a team should first co-create the shared vision, objectives, and outcomes before undertaking a project. Moreover, the vision should be restated often. It is not enough to engrain it on the door or post it on the website.

According to research by Rungway, 52% of employees don’t know their company’s vision. The same research shows employees want to be involved more in actualizing the company’s vision and values. Even when working on different facets of a project, team members should know the end goal.

When the team is involved in setting goals and objectives, they are more willing to rally behind them. As John F. Kennedy noted, “Effort and courage are not enough without purpose and direction”.

It is hard to focus when multiple needs are competing for your attention. And when the team is overloaded with tasks, chances are that people will struggle with one thing or another. With so many buttons to push and levers to pull, the team can get easily frustrated.

Do You Know Your Own and Your Team’s True North?

Highly effective teams navigate these muddy waters by focusing and prioritizing. Establishing priorities ensures that set goals are met on time. Unfortunately, it is human nature to want to accomplish everything at the same time. However, that is a surefire way of producing shoddy work.

Instead, it is better to prioritize your tasks according to their importance and urgency. That will involve listing down all your goals, and then deciding how long you would like to spend on each goal.

However, keep in mind that goals are not the actual actions taken, but rather the metrics you intend on hitting. Those metrics are what allow you to know whether the team is moving in the right direction. As such, to get closer to achieving those metrics, you must determine what projects need to be fulfilled first to get there.

So, how do you go about prioritizing projects?

Simply choose the 3 most important priorities and start working on them. People work better with clear and attainable goals. Therefore, choose 3 projects that will allow you to make a significant advancement towards a longer-term goal, and then set deadlines for their completion.

By putting the team’s focus on a few defined priorities, you will evade the all-too-common syndrome of spreading yourself thin trying to accomplish everything at the same time.

A good leader also understands the critical role shared values, standards, and boundaries play in the development of a high-performing team. This is because it is impossible to sustain high-performance standards without shared values.

Shared values ensure that your team does not always depend on you or policies to tell them what to do. Those values guide their behavior. The former EVP at Advanced Micro Devices, Tim McCoy, put it best, “values tell you what to do when you do not know what to do.”

A good example of how shared values can have a monumental impact on a team’s success is the Mayo Clinic. During the Civil War, a group of individuals known as the “Mayo Family” formed a medical practice whose entire operation was guided by two primary values:
- The only interest to be considered is the patient’s best interests
- Nobody is big or good enough to be independent of others
Guided by those values, the Mayo Clinic has gone on to become one of the world’s most reputable nonprofit hospital systems, with a net worth of around $17 billion.

Collaborate with your team to develop a set of values and standards to uphold. Those values should act as moral and operational compasses. In other words, they should guide the behaviors of the team.

In addition to shared values and standards, it is crucial to establish boundaries within the team. Boundaries prevent conflict within the team. Conflict (not disagreement, which is natural and healthy) is one of the biggest deterrents to productivity. With boundaries, everyone knows what is considered acceptable behavior, and what is not.

One of the most critical benefits of setting boundaries is the clear expectations that come with it. When everyone knows what is considered acceptable, they are more likely to uphold those standards.

Do you know your values? Does your team know theirs?

2. Working Together and Collaborating

It might look safe to work with people who don’t ask a lot of questions. Effective teams understand that such behavior hinders collaboration. Instead, successful teams embrace challenging each other in a space of trust and psychological safety.

Good teams focus on tackling the problems together. They share knowledge across different departments, which enables the organization to adopt a unified approach in handling issues.

Collaboration brings unique skill sets and mindsets together to create a team that can overcome any obstacles together. A highly effective team understands and leverages each individual member’s strengths to create momentum.

Highly effective teams understand that friction is natural when working with others. They welcome the friction and use its energy to enhance relationships and improve productivity rather than the other way around. Strong teams work together rather than against each other.

3. Performing Team Rituals

Outside the workplace, rituals are often used to unite, motivate and rally people behind a common cause. A good example is an annual family holiday that brings everyone together. Rituals also have a place in the organization.

Apart from defining the team’s culture, they increase employee engagement and help create lasting bonds between individual members.

Employees in an organization work together for more than eight hours a day. That means they see and spend more time with their colleagues than they do with friends and family. It is imperative that they build strong bonds when working and also in their social lives.

Celebrating rituals such as birthdays by bringing a cake and holding parties is a great way to create and foster long-lasting bonds.

Many organizations insist that fun is ingrained in their culture. But many often struggle to create an environment where workers are truly happy. Like everything else, fun needs to be structured. Otherwise, it will get lost in the busyness of daily life.

Think about lunch outings, comedy nights, and beach days. A team that has fun together is more productive. That’s because work is likely to be less stressful and frustrating when you are having fun. Downtime decreases and job satisfaction and loyalty increases with fun.

Apart from celebrating wins and forging lasting relationships, some rituals also promote growth. For instance, having regular brainstorming or knowledge-sharing sessions enables each member to share their skills and talents.

Participating in weakly share-outs, team-bonding events, and daily scrums can also help the team become more productive, creative, and adaptable.

Do people feel safe enough to be vulnerable and collaborate freely?

4. Safe Environment

According to a study by Google, psychological safety is one of the most vital dynamics that sets effective teams apart. Employees should be free to be who they are. And they should share their ideas and opinions without feeling insecure or afraid.

When a team member shares an idea in a meeting or opens up to a colleague about a bad experience, they are taking risks. Therefore, they need to feel safe enough to take the risk. If they can’t open up, they will end up putting a mask at work. Doing so drains a lot of productive energy which could otherwise be used for productive work.

Individuals should be able to ask questions without feeling lost. Granted, it is natural to want to protect one’s personal image. After all, no one wants to look like a fool in front of colleagues. However, when there is psychological safety, everyone supports you. When everyone feels free to look like a fool, there is so much possibility of awareness about matters which are otherwise never spoken about.

Even in the face of disagreements, everyone in an effective team knows they are on the same side. It is easier to share ideas, admit to mistakes, collaborate, and resolve any underlying conflicts. Consequently, it makes the team more productive.

With technological growth and increasing pressure to perform, people are finding it hard to make personal connections and friendships in the workplace. In fact, there is growing disconnectedness.

The importance of meaningful connections and deep conversations cannot be overstated. Research has demonstrated that having high-quality connections in the workplace leads to more creativity and resilience.

5. Open, Honest, and Trust-Filled Communication

Although the advent of technology has made communication faster, it has led to an information overload that has made it harder to communicate. Nowadays, you have to sift through countless emails and attend regular meetings to get information.

The annual total estimated cost of poor communication in the corporate scene is as high as $37 billion. Such losses can be mitigated by fostering honest communication. Open dialogue is the only way a team can achieve more than the sum of its parts.

Open communication allows everyone to have a voice. When employees know their opinion counts, they feel a great sense of ownership. They are also more willing to positively contribute to the organization’s success. The manner and frequency of communication also matter. The more freely and often the team communicates the more comfortable people are in sharing their ideas and insights.

It is through communication that ideas are birthed and nurtured. A team where members are not communicating encourages wrong assumptions. That’s because everyone is forced to join the dots alone.

As a result, many arrive at the wrong conclusions. For instance, when discussing growth, some may be thinking about market share while others may be referring to revenue. It is only through open communication that such differences can be brought to light.

Sometimes communicating means offering constructive criticism. Highly effective teams create an environment that encourages members to offer honest feedback. Although nobody likes to be criticized, there is no learning without honest feedback. And in a safe environment, feedback doesn’t look like a threat.

Don’t make people wear emotional armor at work

6. They Embrace Empathy

A team that cares for each other performs better. And highly effective teams value empathetic listening and compassionate conversations.

Often in movies, when the ship goes down, the captain and crew are ready to sacrifice their lives to save others. That is only possible because they know they are part of something bigger than themselves.

Likewise, in highly effective teams employees are willing to come together and take one for the team. They shelve their own self-interests and put the needs of the organization and their team ahead of their own. And that is only possible with empathy and care for others.

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It is a deep and compassionate understanding of what others are going through.

Without empathy, organizations and individuals run the risk of becoming too self-absorbed. This can affect all aspects of the business and the team’s productivity as well as their well-being.

According to a study by Google called Project Oxygen, employees prefer managers who care about their well-being than those with technical skills. When leaders and team members embrace empathy, everybody feels appreciated and valued.

Consequently, this creates trust and fosters high performance among individuals. Although it is not natural for most people to generate empathy, it is an emotional competence that anyone can learn.

Real Diversity Is When People Think Differently

7. Diverse Team Composition

One of the greatest advantages of working as a team is being around people with varying skills and talents. It doesn’t matter who does what, so long as the team has all the right skills. Highly effective teams include a diverse set of people who complement one another in talent, thinking, and personalities.

Diversity is not only about gender, ethnicity, and skin color. Real diversity is having people in the team who think and act differently. People who don’t just look different, but are so from the inside. When such people come together in a safe environment where they feel safe to speak up, wonders can happen.

A team’s main priority is to achieve the organization’s goals and objectives. Therefore, having someone who makes the team great is more valuable than a great individual. No matter how skilled a person is, they are not important if they don’t contribute to the overall strengths of the team.

What exact roles belong on each team depends on what a team’s goals and purpose are. Highly effective teams create a platform where individuals can both absorb and teach. No matter how talented or experienced one is, there is always room for learning.

Working alongside other equally talented individuals in diverse fields is a great way to learn and share knowledge and skills.

Final Thoughts

To create a high-performing team, good leadership is paramount. Without a clear and set-out vision, a team will only be groping in the dark. Collaboration is also key. The silo mentality fails to capitalize on the advantages of pooling different skill sets together to tackle problems. Honest communication, team rituals, and embracing empathy help create a fertile ground for such collaboration. But it takes a diverse team composition to make any meaningful impact.

Building a successful team might sound simple, but implementing the above takes practice, which is not easy. To succeed, team members need to share and jointly own the team’s goals and objectives. They must also put the team’s needs ahead of their own. Moreover, everybody should be free to be who they are. They should feel safe to share their ideas and opinions without fear of judgment. As I said, simple, but not easy.
Apr 12, 2021
9 High Leverage Skills We Should All Learn (And Why Aren’t We Teaching Them Already?)
“It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.” – Joyce Maynard

From a young age, children are taught various things. However, most of the knowledge is centered on academic progress. There are hardly any courses that teach them the skills for leading a fulfilling and joyful life.

Conventional knowledge can make a child successful in the professional world years down the line. But to be happy and content, they need to learn a set of skills that can help them no matter the field they step into. I have found that the below 9 skills are rarely taught in our formal education systems, yet are very important.

These high-leverage skills are important no matter what you do for work, and can amplify the results you produce. Considering how valuable these skills are in my life, I found it very surprising that we don’t teach these skills as part of our formal education.

1. The Art of Communication

Good communication skills are necessary for producing results and breaking down barriers between people. At the same time, the old adage – we have two ears and one mouth- is of great importance. To communicate well, we need to be good listeners first.

It is ok for two people to disagree on a subject. But disagreement does not have to lead to a conflict or a breakdown in communication. People disagree when they have different perspectives, and it becomes a problem when they get stuck there rather than going deeper to find shared goals.

How to disagree, understand each others’ points of view, and coming up with a win-win solution that works for both parties is a very important skill irrespective of what you do and where you work. Yet it is never taught and we are left to learn from our own experiences.

When people care about the other person’s point of view, it leads to a better understanding of their feelings. That results in the development of tolerance and acceptance of others in them. In other words – empathy. Empathy not only helps to bring people together but also results in more fulfilling relationships.

2. The Importance of Asking Questions

I remember that as a kid, I used to have so many questions at all times. No wonder I kept troubling my mother all the time. The range of questions that children come up with is simply amazing!

Genuine inquiry can bring about so much learning and knowledge rather than having definite answers or ideas. Questions can open the mind to new ideas. On the other hand, the doors to knowledge get blocked once children grow up and eventually stop asking questions.

While definite answers lead to the end of learning, a good question heralds the beginning of new learnings and opportunities. Hence asking powerful questions is a very important skill that we are never taught. Instead, we are too obsessed with finding answers that we rarely stop to question.

3. Being Ok With Not Knowing

“I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.” – Rosalia de Castro

If we genuinely look at the vast universe around us, we will realize our knowledge is minuscule. When we admit “I do not know” it opens up a pathway towards learning. But I have observed that saying “I do not know” is a tough task for many people, and it is seen as a bad sign – both in school and at work.

The competitive themes woven in the fabric of modern society does not encourage individuals to admit their ignorance. It teaches us that any gaps in our knowledge should be hidden or filled up at the earliest. However, the person who knows everything is like the proverbial filled cup that can only overflow and not learn anything new.

By refusing to acknowledge our ignorance we are blocking our passage towards knowledge. Mostly “I do not know” is perceived as a negative statement. But we need to change our outlook and see it with a growth mindset and curiosity. That transforms a person into a true seeker and leads to real self-development.

To let people explore and find the truth like children, we need to encourage the culture of saying “ I do not know”.

4. Not Seeking Approval From Others

Many times, we are busy, consciously or subconsciously, winning approval from others as that makes us happy. But keep in mind that this desire to seek approval from others is a kind of bondage, which kills the freedom to grow and develop as a confident individual.

The need for approval can lead to fear, anxiety, and stress. This can prevent people from moving beyond their self-imposed boundaries in life.

Once people develop self-belief stop worrying about what others think, they are free to create their life the way they want. It is important to teach people that their lives are their own making based on their choices. Opinions and social pressure should not hold back their individuality.

5. Overcoming Negative Emotions

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”- Nelson Mandela

All of us have been overcome with anger, grudges, or emotional pain at some point in our lives. When we feel wronged or offended, our ego takes the driver’s seat, killing any possibilities for learning.

The truth is, negative feelings do more damage to ourselves than to the other person. When we let go of the past and move on, there is a sense of peace that rises from within. With no emotional baggage to weigh us down, we can move freely and joyfully through life. It also allows us to focus our time and energy on issues that truly matter to us.

Just like the waste generated in our households and cities is processed to create energy, we can and must process our emotional waste too. If we know how to deal with our emotions, they can be used to generate productive energy.

Learning to transform emotional waste into creative energy for a common or higher purpose is a skill. And just like other skills, it can be learned and developed. We can all use our emotional intelligence to make productive use of our emotions. If we can do that, these emotions will stop being “negative” for us. And we will end up with stronger relationships and a better world for all of us – not just you and me.

6. The Importance of Integrity

Take a moment to look back and think – Have you always done what was expected of you even when nobody was around to check what you were doing? How many times have you gone back on a promise because you were tired, or not in the mood?

Integrity is a quality that deeply impacts every other aspect of our lives. This is an age where material success and fame seems more important than integrity.

The word integrity can mean multiple concepts like honesty, honor, responsibility, and authenticity. But simply said, integrity is doing what you say and saying what you do. Integrity is honoring your word and keeping your promises. Yet we rarely teach people the value of integrity and the high costs associated with not acting in integrity.

Integrity leads to trust between people, higher self-esteem, better reputation, and bigger results for us. At the same time, a lack of integrity can lead to distrust, anxiety, lack of confidence, and diminished results over the long term.

Here is something Warren Buffet said- “You’re looking for three things, generally, in a person – intelligence, energy, and integrity. And if they don’t have the last one, don’t even bother with the first two.”

7. To Remain Balanced Through Life

“No man has been shattered by the blows of Fortune unless he was first deceived by her favours.” – Seneca

Life can be a seesaw of success and failure. This can lead to alternative cycles of pain and pleasure. In reality, none of these situations are permanent. We must be careful not to get carried away by them.

The true nature of human consciousness can be compared with a clear blue sky. The various events of life are the white and dark clouds that pass over that sky. Once we realize our true nature, the passing clouds cannot affect our state of being.

While failure can lead to anger, frustration, anxiety, and depression, success can lead to arrogance, pride, and egotism. To maintain the right emotional balance, we need to avoid both ends of the spectrum.

The Bhagavad Gita talks about staying the same in joy and sorrow. It says that the problem does not lie in the joy or sorrow as everyone goes through ups and downs in life. Pairs of opposites are everywhere – in the outside world, and in your mind. But you do not need to be attached to either joy or sorrow. You can learn to stay balanced and act in a constant way irrespective of them.

8. Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone

“Get out of your comfort zone. Seek discomfort. Make sure the weakest parts of you don’t survive.”- Robert Celner

Consider these examples:
- Richard Branson did not enjoy public speaking and used to get nervous about it. He had to step out of his comfort zone to master the art.
- An editor fired Walt Disney and remarked that “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Before he built Disneyland, Disney had to face bankruptcy multiple times.
There are many other celebrities who stepped out of their comfort zones and took risks to accomplish what they believed in. Trying out new things and embracing new ideas is a must when you want to enrich your experience of life. Also, it is fine to face failure in your new path. Every failure can add a new chapter of lessons in the book of life.

Fear is an effective tool designed by nature for our self-preservation. Even then, overcoming a fearful mind and taking calculated risks is necessary for exploring new horizons in life. The most successful people have faced fear in their lives. But that did not make them compromise with the goals and objectives they considered most important.

9. Embracing Life in Every Moment

“Children have neither a past nor a future. Thus they enjoy the present, which seldom happens to us.” – Jean de La Bruyère

Children have a natural ability to be joyful in the present moment. They dance through life and embrace every moment. They take each moment as it happens, and don’t try to control everything as we adults do.

In reality, the past and the future exist only in our minds. All we have is the current moment. Most of our anxieties, fears, and worries exist in the past and the future. The flutter of life often makes us forget the importance of embracing the present moment- the Now.

Each day determines the quality of our lives. The innumerable moments that we live make up these days. So happiness is not to be found in the future. Our ability to accept the present moment and make the best out of it determines how happy we are.

In our constant search for security and safety, we tend to forget that life is inherently unpredictable. Even our best efforts can not ensure that events will turn up the way we want. So it is important to be flexible, which makes us ready to accept and dance along with the various surprises of life.

Conclusion

I strongly feel that our education system needs a reform. The 21st century looks vastly different from the last one, yet our schools and classrooms are exactly the same as they were a hundred years ago. We are still teaching our children math and science, and turning them into good workers and engineers.

While there is nothing wrong with that, most people today don’t work in factories. Today, people work with their brains more than their hands, and talk and interact with people from different continents, cultures, and languages almost every day. Hence, along with math and science, the above mentioned 9 skills like communication and empathy are very important.

These high leverage skills can be like seeds which can be planted in the minds of children at a very young age. And over time, these seeds can grow into healthy trees which give the fruits of a just, empathetic, and prosperous world – where we succeed together rather than in our own little echo chambers.
Dec 5, 2020
Discover 10 Myths and Realities about Emotions, and How That Will Turbo Charge Your Emotional Intelligence And Change Your Life?
Improve your communication skills by discovering how science has busted these 10 myths about emotions. Tap into the deep psyche of human emotions and stop them from holding you back in life. Read this article and understand how it can help you become a more empathetic colleague or leader.

Emotions can be a touchy topic to talk about. Because of the fact that people rarely talk about emotions and feelings, it is very common for people to hold wrong and misguided beliefs about emotions. If I look back, I can see that I spent the first five years of my career living in emotional darkness. It was only when I found myself in a leadership training and the topic of emotions came up that I realized my blind spots.

“The highest forms of understanding we can achieve are laughter and human compassion.”

― Richard P. Feynman

Ever since, I have done multiple trainings and read hundreds of books on human psychology, behavior, and the neuroscience behind it, which has revealed a previously hidden world to me. I can’t even begin to express what a vast difference that has made to my performance and wellbeing.

When people don’t understand how to deal with anger, jealousy, anxiety, and other complex emotions; there is no way they can help themselves and those around them address these emotions. Educating oneself about the scientific and proven truths about emotions is the first step to take any further steps to support and empower people.

Understand Science-Based Facts About Emotions and Ease Your Shoulders of Their Burden

Below are the 10 Myths:-
1. Weak People Get Emotional, Strong People Don’t – Emotions are as natural as breathing. Every human being has the full range of emotions – joy, anger, sadness, surprise, happiness, frustration, and more. If you are a human being, you will experience these emotions at some point in your lives. The first myth, which is almost accepted as an unspoken truth in society, is that only weak people get emotional. What I have learned is that nothing can be further from the truth. Being aware of our emotions and expressing them consciously demonstrates strength, not weakness.
2. Showing Emotions is Unprofessional – People are often crucified for showing emotions, especially in the workplace. “Real men don’t show emotions” — We all have been encouraged to hide their emotions or suck it up. This not only impacts our health and well being but also prevents important conversations from taking place. Every emotion tells us what we care about, and to not express them is to miss an opportunity to resolve the underlying matter.
3. Being Angry or Upset is Wrong – I believe anger is one of the most compassionate human emotion. The more attention we pay to our anger, the more aware we can be of what it is trying to tell us. There are no right and wrong emotions. There are no positive and negative emotions. Our emotions are always valid, and an inevitable part of being human. There is nothing wrong with feeling frustration and anger. It only becomes a problem when we don’t know do what to do with our anger.
4. We Can’t Control Our Actions When Dealing With Emotions Like Anger, etc – While getting angry or emotional might be natural, we always have a choice to choose our action in the face of our emotions. Over time I have learned that we can always witness our emotions as they arise instead of being sucked into their gravitational power. Although it might feel very tempting to respond impulsively when we face intense emotions, we can always calm ourselves and choose our response consciously.
5. We Should Suppress Our Emotions – Allowing us to experience the full range of emotions can be overwhelming, but never allowing them to surface has an even bigger impact. Just like tying a wild horse only infuriates him, repressing our emotions never works. When we do so, we end up suffering inside while putting up a brave face on the outside. By suppressing emotions, we are bound to explode sooner or later. It also results in stress which ends up impacting our health in the long term. Emotions need to be expressed, without suppression or explosion.
  Every Human Being Experiences the Full Range of Emotions
6. Venting Makes Us Feel Better – Sometimes people give advice to vent out our emotions, especially when dealing with anger and frustration. This is a commonly held misconception that venting out makes you feel better. Instead what it often does is traps us into a certain way of thinking and rationalizing that might be difficult to get out of. Research shows that venting out to our friends about our boss, or venting our anger out on a punching bag rarely helps. The only thing that actually helps is to consciously choose to address what the emotion is trying to tell us, and then express ourselves in a way we can be proud of.
7. Others Are Responsible For Our Emotions. We Have No Control Over Them – There are different factors that can trigger our emotions. We often feel helpless when dealing with emotions. What we don’t realize is that dealing with emotions is a skill, and just like any other skill, it can be practiced and improved. Playing victim and blaming others for our emotions might be an easy way out, but seeing this myth for what it is could be the first step to building emotional muscle. As we get to know more about ourselves, we learn our emotional triggers and become more skilled in expressing emotions in a way that we can be proud of.
8. Negative Emotions (sadness, anger, frustration) Happen to Bad People – There is nothing negative about emotions like sadness and anger just like there is nothing positive about joy and happiness. Emotions are neutral and a part of being human. It is just that we tend to associate and label emotions as positive or negative based on how pleasant or comfortable they make us feel. If I experience fear, sadness, shame, anger, or frustration that doesn’t mean that I am good or bad. There is nothing to be ashamed or scared about if you are experiencing these emotions.
9. Emotions Are Not Important. We Can Live Without Them. – Many people believe that emotions only make them weak and lead them towards bad decisions, so they decide to not feel anything at all. They go inside their shell and act like they are all rational. Nothing could be further from the truth. Research has proven that emotions are integral to making decisions, and it is emotions that help us choose one choice over another when making decisions. If we were to have no emotions, we would not be able to make any decisions at all. Besides the decision making aspect, we will miss out on joy, love, happiness, excitement, and fun if we choose to live without being emotional. Would such a life be even worth living?
10. Emotions Suprise Us by Coming Out Of The Blue – There are always warning signs before an emotional storm, though we might not always be aware of them. We can always look out for symptoms for bottled up emotions to suddenly explode. We all have emotional triggers which we are not aware of. With the right effort, we can understand these triggers and increase our self-awareness. With enough practice, we can always learn to identify these signs of emotional distress (in ourselves and others) before it gets too late and difficult to recover from them.
I feel that we do our best work when we are emotionally engaged. Only when we can separate the above myths from the realities about emotions, we can reflect upon and listen to what they are telling us. We can then act in a way that is consistent with our values and long term objectives. When we think of emotions this way, we can turn them into a strength rather than a weakness.

“Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.”

― Alan W. Watts
Jun 11, 2020
Nonverbal Communication – How To Listen To What Is Not Being Said?
“When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

In recent years, technology has brought in a big change in our ways of communication. With the best tech devices and the most vibrant social media platforms around us, there is so much to watch and listen to. Still, we have all been in situations where our own internal dialogue prevented us from giving full attention to a speaker. So the question is, are we really listening?

Effective listening is not just about hearing what is said but also taking note of things that are left unsaid. Listening to another person may sound like a simple act, but hearing is not the same thing as listening. Nonverbal Communication and Deep listening is not just about listening using the ears, but also listening with our emotions and the entire body. Let’s explore what that means.

It is often mentioned that only 7 per cent of human communication is verbal. In truth, the exact percentage is not so conclusive. The non-verbal portion of a speech can range from anywhere between 65 to 93 per cent.

So spoken language is just one of the many ways by which we communicate. In order to understand the whole picture and listen well, we need to listen and explore beyond the spoken words. Quite often, tone of voice, your eyes, postures, and facial gestures tell a different story than the one the spoken words are telling. However, most people tend to ignore and have rarely learned to listen to the entire body. Hell, it is even difficult to focus on people’s words in this age of distraction.

Strong nonverbal communication and listening is the foundation of any personal or professional relationship. So it is high time that we pay attention to the nonverbal cues, and learn to listen to what is not being said. Can you listen so well that you notice a shift in the other person’s breathing?

How to Listen to What Is Not Being Said?

“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley

Many famous leaders and personalities from the past were great listeners. One example is Sigmund Freud. His manner of listening was by giving complete attention to the speaker while keeping his gaze and words mild and cordial. The level of attention that he offered to the speaker, made them feel special.

To understand the true scenario of any given situation, active listening is a must. This also holds true for any business establishment. Listening to your customers is essential for formulating a successful strategy and making the right decisions. In this article, I will share 3 steps we can all take to listen beyond the spoken word (the emotions, wants, and desires of the speaker), and to what is not being said.

Step 1 – Clear Your Mind

We all have our own internal voice which is ON all the time, giving us a running commentary about events happening in real-time. It is very difficult to listen to anyone else when you are immersed in your own world of thoughts. Only with a clear and calm mind, you can focus on what the speaker is trying to convey. Therefore, it is important to listen with a clear mind – without any fear, judgments, opinions, etc about the other person.

Take A 5 Minute Silent Break Before Important Meetings

One thing you can do before an important meeting is to take a short break of five minutes (or even two minutes) in a quiet space to calm your mind and prepare yourself to pay complete attention to the upcoming meeting. Use this time to block out your mental noise and allow the mind to calm down.

If there is something on your mind, it might be a good idea to write that down somewhere to get to it later. This can be very effective to develop the skill of staying focused during the upcoming conversation. Take a few deep breaths during this small break and reorient yourself if you need to. Connect with your values, purpose, and commitments as you step into the other meeting.

Thoughts arising in our minds can act as distractions. We simply cannot stop these thoughts and any attempt to do that will eventually tire you out. The important thing is to remain aware of them, but not indulge them any further. This will help you to stay on track when your mind starts to drift.

By taking 5 minutes to prepare your mind and body, you will be ready to pay complete attention to the speaker.

Give Up Your Opinions, Fears, and Judgements

It is important to listen to a speaker with an open mind. To listen beyond the spoken words, listen to what is being said without getting filtered by your own prejudices, beliefs, fears, and anxieties. For that, it is important to give up any opinions, judgments, fear, and insecurities you might have about yourself, the other person, or the relationship.

If you are angry, irritated, or fearful about a person or a situation, it will be difficult to pay attention and listen effectively to the nonverbal cues. For example – do not go into a meeting thinking about how someone is always late, or unreliable, or aggressive.

Once you judge someone, it becomes difficult to comprehend their viewpoint or their motive. By being non-judgemental, you will have a better understanding of the events or circumstances. As a result, you will be able to understand not just their words but also their concerns and desires. This will help you make better decisions.

You may feel like replying or arguing to convince the speaker about your views. However, it is important to focus on the speaker’s world and not on our own reply and concerns. Listening is a skill that not only needs complete attention but also requires letting go of our personal biases, that we all have.

See Things From Their Point Of View

“People may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel”
― Maya Angelou

You have to imagine yourself in the other person’s position to truly understand and feel what they are trying to communicate.

Apart from the literal meaning of the words, pay attention to the emotional content that is being delivered. Keep a close watch on the tone of voice and body language to understand how things look and feel from their point of view. Can you listen to the emotion the other person is feeling? Are they calm, happy, ambitious, frustrated, stressed, or resigned? Can you listen to what the person cares about so much that is making them happy, frustrated, or angry?

We often view the world through a lens clouded by our own beliefs and opinions. Empathy requires that you observe the world from someone else’s point of view. Empathetically listening to nonverbal cues is not easy, but it is a gift that you can offer as a listener to others.

Step 2 – Listen Beyond The Words

To be an effective listener, you need to be a good observer. In fact, body language is a major way through which true feelings and emotions find expression. By reading and interpreting these signs you can use body language to your advantage not only in the workplace but also in your personal life.

Our minds are so prone to distractions that concentrating on the speaker is often difficult. An active listener is present in the moment and watches for subtle changes in the speaker’s body language. Noticing such signs will help you differentiate between what their words are saying, and if they are coherent with what their body is communicating.

Here are some of the signs that you can look out for:

Facial expressions

Quite often the spoken words do not match the inner emotions. In such cases, facial expressions can communicate what the speaker is truly feeling.

Eyes

Human eyes are the best mirrors that reflect the mind. As the saying goes- “the eyes are the windows to the soul.” Here are a few things to watch out for:-
- Wide-open eyes indicate surprise
- Rapid blinking can indicate stress or dishonesty
- Intense eyes usually indicate anger
- When the pupils are dilated it can be due to a feeling of fear or romantic interest
Eyebrows

Eyebrows can tell a lot about how the speaker is actually feeling.
- Raised and arched eyebrows indicate surprise
- A frown or eyebrows knit together indicates anger or irritation
- When the inner corners are drawn up it indicates sadness
Mouth

The mouth can also be a good indicator of emotions apart from the usual happy smile. For example:
- Biting of lips is usually a sign of anxiety
- An open mouth indicates fear while a dropped jaw represents a surprise
- A raised corner of the mouth indicates hate or scorn
- When the corners are drawn, it indicates sadness
Body Posture

The way people position their bodies and move their hands or shoulders can speak a lot about their feelings. By observing gestures, you can understand whether the speaker truly believes what they are saying or not. Do keep in mind that gestures can have different meanings based on cultures and locations. For example:
- Gripping an item, tapping fingers, or adjusting the hair or clothing can indicate tension.
- A clenched jaw and tightened neck muscles usually indicate stress.
- Shaking of legs can indicate anxiety or irritation.
- Hunched shoulders and arms folded tightly indicate anxiety or fear. On the other hand, it can also mean that the person is feeling too cold.
- Curving the shoulders forward with folded arms is a defensive posture. The sudden crossing of arms may indicate discomfort or disengagement.
- A relaxed speaker will have shoulders in a normal position with hands moving freely without jerkiness.
- A pointed finger with the rest of the hand closed is usually a show of power or dominance.
Tone of Voice

A new study has pointed out that listening to the tone of a speaker is often more important for understanding their emotions. For example, even over the phone, we can understand others’ state of mind by their tone of voice. Be it enthusiasm, excitement, or sadness – we can detect all these emotions just from the tone of voice

With practice, we all are capable of detecting the subtle differences between different emotions from tone of voice. You might have noticed that many people tend to ramble when they get excited or agitated. On the other hand, a slow and steady vocal delivery indicates a thoughtful mental state.

Paying attention to the emotions in the voice of a speaker helps you to understand what the person is really feeling. In turn, you will comprehend the message the speaker is trying to deliver more effectively.

Noticing Our Own Body

Another way to go deeper when it comes to nonverbal communication is to notice your own body as you talk to somebody. Our bodies are tuned to react and mirror what they experience in the room, even in a subconscious way. So if you suddenly feel the tension in your body, the other person might be feeling the same. If you suddenly feel your breathing getting shallow, perhaps the other person is also experiencing the same. Listening to your own body is also a signal you can use to listen to what is not being said.

Step 3 – Ask Powerful Open-ended Questions

The first important aspect of deep listening is listening attentively without interrupting. The second is to ask open-ended questions with curiosity to understand the speaker’s concerns, ideas, and emotions better. It also helps you to validate what you are understanding. Never assume on behalf of others. Always validate by paraphrasing or asking questions.

Here are some examples of powerful open-ended questions.
- What else would you like to talk about?
- Tell me more about what’s bothering you?
- What’s really going on?
- Can you explain why that matters?
- I noticed some frustration. Did you not like something about what was just said?
- In the meeting, I saw you disinterested and with a strange smirk when we discussed that project? What concerns do you have?
- I could see the surprise and fear on your face. Tell me what worries about this upcoming situation?
Any question that can be answered with a simple “yes,” or “no,” reply is a closed question. Such questions prevent the possibility of continuing communication. Also, closed questions do not provide detailed information.

When we ask open-ended questions, we can understand the thoughts and emotions of the speaker, as they have to think and come up with original answers. Sometimes open-ended questions allow people to think and understand their own concerns and thoughts better.

Remember, while asking open-ended questions, it is best to avoid aggressive questions that can make others defensive. I have observed many managers neglecting this and end up pushing people into a corner.

Benefits of Listening To Nonverbal Communication

“To be a great leader you have to be a great listener.”- Richard Branson

Abraham Lincoln was as good a listener as he was a speaker. The 16th President of the United States gave his full attention to every speaker even if their views were different from his own. Many times, he would “lean forward and clasp his left knee with both hands” while listening to others.

So all his visitors returned with a satisfied feeling. They felt that the president was able to understand their feelings, apprehensions, and motivations. In return, he won their trust and respect.

Likewise, a good listener needs to be focused, engaged, and flexible. The fast pace of life and the numerous distractions around us are eroding our listening skills in a big way. Only the leader who can overcome that to become a good listener can bring out the best from their team members.

By listening without trying to critique or convince we can become more empathetic. It can also offer us an insight into the concerns, hopes, and aspirations of others. Deep listening can not only build trust but can lead to better relationships as it makes us alert and sensitive towards others.

Communication goes much beyond spoken words. The tone of voice and other physical expressions play a hidden but big part in communication. When we can listen to others – both verbally and nonverbally, we move towards creating more meaningful relationships and being more effective at everything we do.

References

1. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_your_voice_reveal_more_emotion_than_your_face

2. http://web.mst.edu/~toast/docs/Gestures.pdf

3. https://www.td.org/insights/listening-is-the-secret-weapon-of-good-leaders

4. https://cornerstone.lib.mnsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1000&context=ctamj

5. https://fremont.edu/how-to-read-body-language-revealing-the-secrets-behind-common-nonverbal-cues/
Dec 17, 2019
How to be Emotionally Intelligent with Written Communication at the Workplace
Emotions play a big part in our communication in the workplace, either face-to-face or written. The way we express our emotions requires us to be sensitive to others’ emotions. In the same way, we also need to be sensitive to our own emotions and values and respond accordingly. The mastery of our own emotions is a skill that can help us become more productive at work. Working on how we express ourselves can greatly affect how we connect and collaborate with others.

Expressing ourselves through written communication is a challenging task as we have limited means to express our ideas. Email, chats, and all other sorts of documents in a workplace often focus totally on the subject or topic; which makes it difficult to understand the emotions behind them. However, I feel we need to make space for our emotions, ideas, and thoughts to be freely expressed in any form of communication to build lasting trust and cooperation with our colleagues.

“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Pros and Cons of Written Communication In The Workplace?

The digital age has made communication faster and more accessible. We’re able to send messages to people we can’t meet personally in a more efficient manner. Emails and text messages can distribute information to people anywhere in the world while we’re at the comfort of our desk.

We use written communication in many different situations at the workplace. Some of these situations can be found below :-
- Sharing important information through emails to different division members
- Providing feedback on documents sent to us for review
- Responding to messages asynchronously
- Requesting permission for vacations leave and other administrative tasks
These situations can get challenging since you need to fit your message into a certain format and you’re left to express your message often only through text. There are no verbal and nonverbal cues to help you express your thoughts.

Mastering your own emotions is a prerequisite before handling others’ emotions

So, where does emotional intelligence fit? Emotional intelligence can help us in phrasing our emotions into words and sentences. The knowledge of our emotions serves as a guide to how we can communicate better with other professionals.

Communication, in whatever form, is never detached from our personality (thoughts, emotions, beliefs). Even a simple email or letter is already an expression of ourselves. Emotional Intelligence is not just about communicating verbally and listening to others. It is about expressing ourselves clearly regardless of what medium we use for communication.

Written communication, while it is effective, also has drawbacks. Since messages are limited to written text, they can get lost in translation. The way we choose to express the message can be interpreted differently by the other person. Some parts or the whole intent of the message can be misunderstood.

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion. – Dale Carnegie

What Can We Do To Avoid Confusion And Misinterpretation?

By being careful about a few ideas as listed below, we can make written communication easier for others to process and understand :-
1. Write messages in simple and short sentences. Written communication is about effectively transferring information. By adopting a simple style of writing, we become more effective since there is less room for misinterpretation.
2. Ask others if they understand the message you’re expressing. The most effective way to ensure that no miscommunication happens is by confirming the message with others. There’s nothing wrong with asking colleagues if they understood the details you provided.
3. Be careful about being funny or sarcastic. It’s alright to add some humor to messages, but be sensitive to others who might get offended or misinterpret them.
4. Avoid emotionally-charged messages. Written communication is not meant for emotional release. Ask yourself if you would have the courage to say the same thing face to face. If not, don’t express it as an email either.
5. Ask for acknowledgment if you expect something back. Or follow up if you don’t hear back or hear an unsatisfactory response to make things clear.
When Should We Not Use Written Communication?

While written communication may be helpful, there are times when its use is not the best choice. Having the presence of mind not to use written communication if the situation calls for it is also being emotionally intelligent. Some situations like those listed below might require a personal conversation instead of written.
- Discussing sensitive or emotion-loaded discussions – Written communication cannot express the full spectrum of emotions and messages we wish to send to others. Verbal and nonverbal cues are important when talking about sensitive topics to be able to fully express emotions and communicate the message without room for misinterpretation.
- Personal discussions – Personal discussions often require attention and immediate feedback. The nature of written communication, unfortunately, cannot fit the needs of these important discussions.
In conclusion, becoming emotionally intelligent requires us to know when and how written communication can be used in a professional setting. Doing it well allows us to capitalize on human relationships and unlock the huge potential when people work together for a common purpose and mission. On the other hand, if not done well, it can also go downhill pretty quickly.
Jan 21, 2019