Sumit Gupta

September 2019

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  • The Power of Showing Up by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

    Life is full of challenges – complex relations, inevitable disappointments, and uncertainty. Our children have to be prepared for the best and the worst in life. It is the responsibility of parents and caregivers to ensure that they are prepared for it. They need to know how to cope and adjust to these myriad experiences.

    It’s not an easy job, especially since most parents did not receive this when they were young. How can parents then, help their children to be secure, confident, resilient, and learn to build formidable relationships as they grow?

    The Power Of Showing Up (2020) by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, show parents how to be there for their children – in more ways than just physically, how to build a stronger relationship with them,  and how to prepare children to face hurdles, and build their confidence as they step out into the world.

    1. Bonds Of Attachment – Secure and Insecure

    In 1960, psychologist Mary Ainsworth conducted an experiment known as the “Infant Stranger Association Test’, that observed the effect of babies being left alone in a room or with strangers.

    The experiment showed that children of parents who expressed concern and sensitivity were more confident when their parents left the room and continued to play with the toys. Once back, the babies happily greeted their parents. These babies were more secure when left alone and showed secure attachment.

    On the other hand, babies with inconsistent care and attachment, or extreme disconnect from parents’ attachment developed an insecure attachment, showing signs of fright and anxiety. Such children tend to suppress emotions and needs as they grow and are unable to move beyond negative experiences that influence their behavior and relationships in the future. They feel unsafe and unable to develop healthy relationships with their own children.

    No parent intends to raise their children in a bad manner; however, parents can make efforts towards developing secure bonds with their children by analyzing their own childhood experiences and acknowledging the negativity they experienced.

    The Power of Showing Up by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

    2. Physical and Emotional Safety

    Kaiser Permanente, a healthcare company, along with the CDCP (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), conducted a study from 1995 to 1997 called the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study. 15000 participants were interviewed about their childhood negative experiences such as emotional and physical abuse, especially in dysfunctional homes. These participants were found to face challenges in coping, have a lesser capability of relating to others, had more health problems, and shorter life spans than those who had a happy childhood.

    The experiment showed that a child needs a positive mental, emotional, and physical environment, and need to be protected not only for their immediate well-being but also for their future. Threatening and harmful experiences in childhood can affect a child’s physical, mental, social, and emotional development. It also showed that any form of aggression – physical, emotional, verbal, as well as nonverbal (body language and expressions) can make children feel unsafe and afraid. 

    Parenting is not an easy task and even the most loving parents can experience bouts of frustration. However, it is imperative that parents avoid aggressive behavior in any form towards children. This can be done by communicating calmly with them, even in times of frustration. Simple breathing exercises to calm down when angry, or even apologizing to children when parents display anger and aggression can go a long way. It will make children feel safer and also teach them that relationships can be repaired by a simple sorry.

    3. The Importance of Understanding Children

    Consider an example of a parent who constantly berates their child for securing low grades and attributes it to the child being lazy. The parent constantly reprimands the child and calls her lazy and disobedient. 

    In this case, while the parent intends to derive a good outcome from their child, they are actually doing more damage, not only to the relationship but also to the child’s own perception of herself. The child could internalize the parent’s perception and develop a negative view of her own personality, resulting in a timid personality with a negative inferior complex.

    Parents need to know and have the ability to understand their children as well as accept who they are. Reflecting and observing on why the child behaves in a particular manner, without making preconceived judgments will help parents in truly understanding their children and get valuable insights.

    Another way is to communicate with them and let them express their thoughts and views about the issues they are facing. Setting a separate time daily to talk to them will help in getting to know them better, to understand what goes on in their minds, and subsequently understand their needs.

    4. Handling Distressed Children by Soothing

    While working with a school in a Texas district, the author noted the teachers’ observations, of using soothing behavior rather than time-outs and punishments for unmanageable tantrums of children. They found that the children responded better, calmed down faster, and had less long, less intense, and less frequent outbursts.

    They inferred that children learn to calm down and soothe themselves by replicating the behaviors they see in their parents. Moreover, they are able to manage their internal distress and become more resilient.

    Parents can use certain tools to get their children to learn to soothe themselves.

    1. Setting a designated comforting space (unlike a time-out corner) in the house for children to go to when they feel distressed.
    2. Parents should identify a calming song/playlist that their child likes to hear in times of distress.
    3. Identify the child’s favorite physical activity like playing on a swing, dribbling a basketball, or even running around. Movement often works in emotional therapy.
    4. Parents should create a code or a signal with their children so that they can identify when their child is stressed.

    5. Showing Up, Every Time

    Parents should work towards creating strong bonds with their children and try to understand how their child feels when they are experiencing stress or are misbehaving. Making them feel physically and mentally safe and responding to them in a soothing and calming manner repeatedly amounts to truly being there for children.

    Such security not only impacts children mentally but also has an effect on them physically. The sense of security children feel makes their brain stronger, helping to create a resilient nervous system that helps them to nurture strong relationships in the future, as well as overcome distress.

    Parents who focus on understanding their children provide them with a loving, nurturing, and empathetic environment through active listening and affection. They help children communicate their feelings in distress and promote strong parent-child relationships. Every time a parent is physically and emotionally present to support them, the child’s sense of security is enhanced, and in turn, they know that they have the support of their parents. They carry this feeling of support through their lives and grow up as confident and empowered adults who can in turn be there for their children in the future.

  • John Maxwell’s Takes You From Leadership To Leadershift

    With the dynamic changes taking place all over the world in terms of the work culture, environment, and the shift in the roles and responsibilities of the working class, the need for a change in leadership has become crucial. While managers are sufficient for an organization in times of stability, dynamic changing times require strong leadership.

    This translates to two crucial necessities, firstly, the need for strong leaders is even more essential for organizations, and secondly, today’s leaders need to keep reinventing themselves to adapt for success in these times of change.

    Leadershift (2019) by John C Maxwell shows leaders and managers the way to adapt to this change by inculcating a strong desire and ability to succeed, to develop the right mindset and create positive up-to-date thinking to continue to be productive, not only for themselves but also for their team and the organization as a whole.

    John C Maxwell takes us through his own journey of leadership and shows how he charted his ‘leadershift’ to succeed and create an impact on the world.

    Leadership To Leadershift
    Leadershift by John Maxwell

    Leadershift – From Me to We

    Many managers consider a position of leadership as a step towards charting their own star-trails. They work keenly towards their own goals and aspirations, without realizing that leadership is not about their own success, but about how they can steer their teams, colleagues, and the organization towards success.

    Leadershift firstly requires a leader to change their focus from ‘me’ to ‘we’. Maxwell gives an example of how leaders should work more like the conductor of an opera, rather than a soloist. Just like a conductor uses opportunities to draw out potential from a group of musicians, a leader should first work towards understanding the needs of the people around him in order to draw out their best.

    Maxwell compared leadership to the dance tango, wherein it is the responsibility of the leader of the pair, to lead the team to a stellar performance. A leader, just as the lead of a tango dance, should not only understand what it means to lead but also be aware of what it means to be led.

    It is essential that a leader should focus on making others in his team shine, by developing positive relationships and by paying keen attention to the needs of subordinates. A leader creates a vision and invites his team to help achieve it.

    Leadershift – Moving From A Goal Mindset To A Growth Mind-Set

    Leaders need to set certain goals and strive to achieve them. While a goal mindset has been at the crux of leadership since the beginning, leaders need to shift the focus to a growth mindset.

    Maxwell realized the positives of a growth mindset during his days as a young church leader in Ohio. He began by setting a goal for himself to make his church the largest in the state. In a single year, he was able to double the size of his congregation making it the fastest-growing church in Ohio. He later realized, that his own achievements, personal growth, and his understanding of leadership were far more valuable than the numbers he achieved.

    He saw that a goal mindset led to personal achievement and status growth, however, a growth mindset led to the development of every shareholder in the congregation. 

    The key to a growth mindset is to inculcate a teaching spirit. A leader should not only have the need to learn but feel the need to ensure that he passes on his learning to help improve others. Passing on the knowledge to others entails a leader practicing what he has learned.

    Leadershift – From Climbing The Ladder To Building The Ladder

    Many leaders aim at being on top of the leadership ladder. They aim towards a goal and work towards achieving it. In the corporate world, it is essential for a leader to aim for the top of the corporate ladder. However, real success comes only when a leader helps to build ladders for others at the same time.

    Leaders should ideally aim at being within the top 10% of their chosen field to stand out. Once they reach the top 10%, they should start viewing their success as a means to help others reach their goals. For leaders to become a successful resource for helping others means to start mentoring others in their team.

    Mentoring isn’t an easy process. A leader should assess whom to mentor. They should be able to sift from the crowd to find those who are passionate not only about their own personal growth but those who reflect the values and principles of the leader himself. Additionally, leaders should look for those who are not only hungry for success but also who have a strong potential to carry on the legacy of leadership.

    Leadershift – Connection, Not Direction

    Shifting the focus of leadership does not only mean directing subordinates and telling them what to do. It entails creating a connection by helping them connect with their own way to success. 

    Maxwell understood this form of leadershift from Pat Summit, the coach of the University of Tennessee Lady Volunteers basketball team. At halftime, rather than giving the team a pep-talk about what had transpired on the field, she made them analyze their performance by asking 3 questions – ‘What did we do right? What did we do wrong? and What should we change?’

    Only after the team had discussed these, Summit spoke to them. She heard the team out and then made a few observations before sending them out for the second half of the game.

    Maxwell understood that leadershift embraces connection rather than direction, collaboration instead of authority and that listening is far more valuable than talking. To be able to develop listening skills, leaders can follow a simple routine,

    • Use a notepad during meetings. Write a big ‘L’ on the top to remind yourself to listen first.
    • Use your growth mindset. Ask your peers, family members, and friends to rate your listening skills on a scale of 1 to 10.
    • Act on the feedback given by them.

    Shifting from direction to connection helps build better relationships by generating a two-way flow in communication as well as in ideas.

    Leadershift – Valuing Diversity

    As a young pastor in Ohio, Maxwell noticed that that within his environment, the community and the leaders of the protestant church were all white Americans. Everyone looked and behaved in a similar manner. However, he realized that the most important insights and lessons came from outside the ‘white’ group. 

    As a pastor, conformity and tradition were drilled into him. Later on, due to his discussions with another Catholic Priest, who helped him reinforce his faith, he moved to Atlanta, a city rich in African-American culture, completely different from where he grew up. He understood the difference that resulted from the diversity could bring out positive changes in the organizational structure as well.

    Leaders need to understand that diversity in teams can bring about different perspectives and effectively fill the gap of knowledge. A leader cannot possibly claim to know everything and manage it all. Additionally, if a leader is surrounded only by like people, the flow of knowledge becomes restricted. 

    Trusting diversity in a group is a lesson that is best shown in how Abraham Lincoln built his cabinet. His members were sworn political rivals, and this helped bring in different perspectives to Lincoln’s leadership.

    In order to bring in diversity, a leader should take a good look at his team, his friends, colleagues, and the people that surround him. Leaders should take efforts in learning from different groups, cultures, races, and ages, to be able to gain different perspectives.

    Leadershift – Moral Authority Over Positional Authority

    A title does not merely make a leader. Maxwell learned this important lesson as a young and fresh-out-of-college pastor. As the leader of his church, his first church board meeting started off with another respected member of the church, Claude, taking command of the meeting. Claude asked Maxwell to start off with a prayer and politely asked him to end the meeting with a prayer. Maxwell hadn’t said a thing in between during the meeting. It was a completely unexpected outcome.

    Reflecting on that particular meeting, Maxwell thought about what made Claude so influential? He realized that though Claude wasn’t rich, well-educated, or impressive in any way, he had a strong moral authority of being good, honest, and fair. Claude was never a leader, however, his values and consistent belief in them made him a leader in every way.

    Therefore, how does a leader truly become a leader? The answer lies in upholding one’s own moral authority by developing integrity. Integrity refers to the ability to stand by one’s values and principles consistently. Integrity makes a leader trustworthy and dependable. Additionally, if a leader is courageous to follow and lead with integrity, he will be able to successfully influence people and gain their trust to follow him.

    Leadershift – From Career To Calling

    Leadershift finally involves a person to shift focus from career to calling. This essentially means that leaders should find their calling in life. 

    How does one’s calling differ from a career goal? While a career goal is a personal end result for a leader, a calling focuses on finding something that is far larger to pursue. A calling means pursuing an enriching goal, that one could do forever, to help others succeed. A calling refers to a clear purpose and a reason for living, a way to find one’s own, yet be able to make a positive difference in others’ lives. 

    A calling also refers to something that one is passionate about. It entails giving, thinking, and serving others, passionately! Finding a calling in life enriches, and gives one’s personal career goals a true meaning of accomplishment.

    Final Summary

    Leaders today need to shift their focus from mere leadership to leadershift. They need to adapt to change around themselves to truly succeed. They need to show others the way forward, by helping them adapt to these changes. To be truly successful leaders they should direct others with connection, apply a growth mindset to help others succeed,  build opportunities, and ladders for others to grow, and finally exercise their calling with moral authority.

  • Learning Leadership (2016) By James Kouzes And Barry Posner

    The term ‘natural born leader’ is often used to describe some charismatic leader who seems to be natural at leadership. However, are people really born with leadership qualities? 

    Learning Leadership (2016) by James Kouzes and Barry Posner sheds light on how leadership is learned. While people might possess the inherent ability to lead, it is a quality that needs to be learned, nurtured, and nourished over time. As it says in the book’s introduction, “Learning Leadership is a clarion call to unleash the leadership potential that is already present in today’s society.”

    Leadership is a continuous learning process and in order to excel at it, one must know, master, and apply the five fundamentals of leadership that are essential tools for great leadership.

    Fundamental No.1 – Never Stop Learning

    Leaders do not necessarily have inherent, gifted, leadership qualities. Anyone aspiring to be a leader can work towards building leadership skills. All one needs is the willingness to learn, hone, and practice building leadership skills to be a great leader.

    If we look deep within ourselves, we will find that we have – at some point in our lives – displayed excellent leadership qualities without knowing it. These will give us the answer to what kind of challenges brought out leadership skills in us. 

    You can employ an easy self-coaching exercise to develop the focus on bringing out leadership qualities. On a paper, write down four questions – 

    1. Who am I?
    2. What do I do?
    3. How do I make a difference?
    4. What will I do today that really matters?


    The answers to these questions help in getting the focus back on one’s goal for today, and goal for the future. Moreover, these answers work as motivation to strive in the wake of a block.

    Another important factor that determines leadership is the willingness to learn. Acquiring new knowledge and the thirst for constantly learning through one’s career graph help great leaders keep up with the times. A valuable leader constantly learns, reinventing, and up-skilling himself.

    Learning Leadership (2016) By James Kouzes And Barry Posner

    Fundamental No.2 – Focus On The Future

    Great leaders focus on the future. They keep track of necessary changes around them in the present to be able to make sound decisions for the future. They are able to evaluate how today’s events will affect tomorrow. Developing this foresight helps them plan better, as well as understand what resources will they need to have and how to plan to get these resources for themselves as well as their team members.

    Another important aspect of quality leadership is the focus on others. Good leaders always put others before themselves. They see their success as a direct result of the success of their subordinates and strive hard to ensure that their team succeeds first. They ensure that the team works cohesively towards a common set goal.

    Leadership most importantly includes keeping a focus on the future with a heart that is set on helping others succeed. A great exercise is to answer the following questions – 

    1. How will the world be after ten years?
    2. What will be the size of the team will I lead?
    3. What tools will they need?
    4. What skills will I need to effectively lead them?

    Fundamental No.3 – Mistakes Are About Learning From Challenges

    Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. Similarly, life is also about taking up challenges and emerging successful – no matter how many tries it takes. Leadership also works on these principles.

    Great leaders know that they have to take up challenges in their path. These challenges help in pushing them out of their comfort zones, make decisions to take measured risks, and put them out of their comfort zone. That is because being within one’s comfort zone for too long not only brings complacency but also stagnates.

    Additionally, for great leaders, failure means getting closer – albeit inch-by-inch – towards success. Making mistakes and errors creates room for improvement and are seen as opportunities by leaders to achieve goals. For great leaders, the challenge of facing the unknown, and perseverance to right their mistakes is the distinguishing factor.

    To develop the courage to overcome the fear of the unknown, this simple exercise helps. Complete the following sentence; “It took courage for me to…”

    Fundamental No.4 – Importance Of Feedback

    A leader can never exist in a vacuum. Neither is he a function of individual success. The people surrounding a leader, and the relationship the leader develops with them is what makes a leader a great leader. 

    Harvard psychology professor George Vaillant deduced that good relationship are vital for good health. The support of peers, colleagues, subordinates, and employees help in shaping a leader. This support comes when a leader takes the effort to develop and maintain good relationships.

    That said, getting feedback from them is crucial as well. A good leader creates a safe environment for peers and subordinates to provide feedback. Moreover, a good leader should be receptive and use feedback to improve their own leadership skills. 

    An exercise to work on getting authentic feedback and implementing them is to take feedback from a trusted person after a meeting, understand the feedback, acknowledge it, and try to make changes based on that feedback.

    Fundamental No.5 – Daily Practice Makes Learning Faster

    Learning is lifelong process. And it is no different for leaders. The most important quality of good leadership is to keep on practicing. 

    Great leaders know and understand that at every stage in their lives, they will need to practice to enhance one skill or another, whether it is to do away with weakness or to brush up an existing leadership skill. They understand that practice to improve a skill takes time and patience. Moreover, they understand that practice is needed irrespective of the successes they have. 

    At times, the practice also needs a push from others. Mutually beneficial, leadership-development programs help to keep the focus on and they help leaders overcome any hurdles with the help of peers in the programs.

    Summary

    Learning is at the crux of being a great leader. To be a great leader, it is essential to think about the future today, accept challenges take risks, and learn from mistakes. One way to effectively learn is to be open to feedback and work to making the changes that are mentioned in the feedback. Finally, a leader should practice, practice, and practice!

  • David Burkus’s Under New Management – Busting Age-Old Management Myths

    The way the world works has completely changed in the last 50 years. Today, organizations, work culture, and the roles of people are more knowledge-based. The standard management policies designed for maximum efficiency by Frederick Taylor more than a century ago are no longer relevant because the basic structure of work has changed.

    Under New Management (2016) by David Burkus gives us an insight into this change and how to adapt to it to become successful managers in a work environment that is more flexible, more creative, and more unpredictable. 

    David Burkus, the author, discloses new management strategies that are in line with the new workspace, discusses management strategies that never worked earlier, and busts some management myths that have ruled the roost for a long time.

    Myth 1 – The Customer is the King

    Most management and marketing studies have stressed the fact that the customer is king. Today, organizations need to be more employee-centric. This is because organizations are finding out that happy customers are a result of happy employees. This might sound radical, but to best serve their customers, many leaders now put their customers’ needs second and their employees’ needs first.

    This was supported by a study conducted in 2008 by Son Lam and Stephen Brown from Houston University. The study revealed that the service given to customers by happy employees was of much better quality, as perceived by the customers. This was evident even for customers who did not have much interaction with the employees.

    Myth 2 – Employees Need to be Micro-Managed

    Organizations need to put their trust in their employees. The age-old, rigid micromanaging structure is detrimental to employee engagement and managers need to give their employees more space because the way of working has changed from the manual labor-based work of the past to knowledge-based work today.

    Netflix’s unlimited vacation policy and no standard working times are a great example. It is the employees’ discretion to decide their work schedule based on the amount of work they have. They can themselves decide when they need to take time off.

    Such a work environment has actually led to a reduction in travel costs for the company because the employees actively make decisions in the ‘best interests’ of the company. 

    Myth 3 – Only Leaders Know Who to Hire

    Conventional methods of hiring involve recruitment interviews to be done by one or two people, mostly managers and upwards. They focus on qualifications and past work experience as determining factors. 

    A new employee, at any level and designation, has to work with a team. And there is no guarantee that an employee with a great past record will fit well with a new team.

    This is due to the fact that even top performers need the right team to push them to excel. Moreover, even star performers could bring the morale of the entire team down due to conflicts.

    It is wiser to include the entire team to participate in the hiring process. A classic example comes from Whole Foods, where they allow the prospective hire to work with the team for a few weeks, after which the entire team votes to hire the person or not.

    Myth 4 – Underperforming Employees Should be Fired

    Underperforming, disengaged employees are bad for all companies. They are unproductive, skip work, and/or affect the working environment negatively. However, the better way to do it is to let them go with a good payoff.

    Disengaged employees mostly linger around because of the amount of time they have invested in the company. Moreover, they find it difficult to admit that their efforts in their current job were poorly invested.

    Paying them a good quitting bonus works in three ways – 

    1. It helps such employees see a reason to why they should move on 
    2. A cash bonus helps alleviate the pain of parting to some extent, and
    3. Helps in creating a better relationship with a parting employee 

    Myth 5 – Strict Timetables And Job Descriptions Keep The Organization Organized

    The days of manual and repetitive work usually done in factories are over and it is the era of knowledge workers now. Earlier, during the industrial revolution, most work was manual. Productivity was mostly proportional to the number of hours a worker put on it. This gave rise to the necessity of a top-down organizational structure where job descriptions were fixed and strict timetables were maintained.

    In creative and knowledge-oriented jobs, having fixed timelines are difficult. At the same time, roles are also dynamic, where employees are organized around projects. Having a flexible work environment allows employees to be intrinsically motivated and more productive.

    Myth 6 –  Offices Mean A Closed, Quiet, And Serious Workspace

    Many organizations like Facebook are moving out of the typical office, and incorporating open offices. Gone are the cubicles for workers and corner offices for managers. Integrating open workspaces with closed offices in the right amount today facilitates communication and teamwork.

    Unlike the myth, Facebook used both open and closed workspaces giving employees the freedom to choose where they would like to work. Such freedom and personal space in work have shown to increase productivity.

    Myth 7 – Emails Are The Best Communication Technology

    Yes, technology did bring us one of the most convenient and quick forms of communication – emails. However, studies have proven that emails are the biggest distraction for employees. 

    One research showed that an average employee checks their emails 36 times an hour. Thus some companies like Atos SE custom-designed an internal network system that helped reduce the use of emails, and thus reduce distraction at work.

    Myth 8 – Non-Compete Clauses Are Good For Business

    Non-compete clauses prevent employees from joining competitor companies and sharing corporate secrets. While this might seem like a wise business move, it actually led to the fall of Boston’s Route 128, an erstwhile competitor for Silicon Valley.

    In actuality, the ‘big idea’ that propels a company to success is often related to something that an employee learns from his previous work experiences. The flow of ideas, development of successful networks, and increase in knowledge take place only when employees interact, take information and knowledge to the next place, and innovate with previous and present knowledge.

    This brings up the point that companies should maintain good relations with their past employees because companies with close ties with their ex-employees are better suited to re-hire them or tap their network in the future.

    Myth 9 – Performance Rankings Are The Best Feedback Systems

    Yearly performance rankings have been the norm in most organizations. However, they do not prove to be productive for new-age companies, considering they are done only once a year – a yardstick that does not do justice to the amount of work an employee does in a year. Performance rankings push employees to focus only on the yearly ranking, killing creativity, because they also foster competition among peers rather than collaboration.

    Microsoft showed the way to change. They moved to a system of timely, personal feedback, assessing how people have performed on the goals set in the past and what the employee would like to achieve before the next meeting. This system proved efficient as employees felt fairly assessed, felt that there was lesser comparison with peers, and felt that the company took interest in building their personal skills.

    Myth 10 – Salary Details Is Confidential Information

    It is a common occurrence in organizations that discussions around salary are secret. Pay scales are considered confidential information in most organizations today. 

    However, research has shown that companies are better off being transparent with employees about their salaries. Being transparent prevents them from feeling shortchanged, or feeling envious towards their peers and at the same time shows employees that the company is fair.

    For example, in Whole Foods, the salary and performance data of all employees is available for everyone to see. This has resulted in the employees enjoying a great sense of teamwork.

    Busting Old Management Myths

    All the myths busted above point out to one key feature that new-age companies should understand and imbibe. The key concluding idea is flexibility. Organizations should understand that this new age is brimming with knowledge workers who will appreciate flexibility and autonomy in the workspace. There’s a definite shift in the wind, and it’s going to change management as we know it in the next few decades.